My Shortest
by FeatherEars
Summary: A loss of purpose for Zim translates to an agreeable opportunity for Gaz. Doesn't hurt to have a second pair of hands now, does it? ZAGR
1. The Start of Something Horrid

I wanted to do my own ZAGR simply because I'm growing tired of reading others and finding out Gaz has been raped or turned into an emo. Never. She's kickass, and always will be, and Zim will always be the smart yet little lost alien who's deluding himself. Not a suddenly suave epitime of human "handomes".

I am not the copyright owner for Invader Zim.

Let's get cracking.

____

"I don't get it..." Dib mumbled, chewing around a mouthful of beans. He pushed a flop of black hair out of his eyes and squinted, looking over at the green form across the room. For so many long years, this otherworldly and utterly stupid being had plagued him; plotting to dominate the earth, all the while evading notice without so much as trying, much to Dib's annoyance. The efforts of both sides would always end up in a predictable stalemate. "Do you see this, Gaz!?"

The short and dark girl beside him frowned, never breaking the button mashing rhythm of her Gameslave IV. She was intent on ignoring her elder sibling.

"Maybe this is a new plan of his? Gaz, just look at him!" He exclaimed working himself up into a frenzy. A few of the students around him shuffled further away or continued to stare, waiting for the next outburst.

Gaz pressed the pause button - something she vehemently detested - and cracked her amber bloodshot eyes open. The glare she was throwing at her brother spoke of disturbed gameplay. "_What_, Dib. I was in the _zone_. Level _twelve_!" She hissed.

"Look!" He breathed, pointing to Zim.

She looked, reluctantly, across the hall.

Zim was sat by himself, hunched over his tray. The fork he held sloshed about his food almost like he was doodling.

"So what?" She was pissed. Dib had paused her, mid-vampire piggies, for that?

"He's just...not doing anything. We were due a crazed rant about two days ago, you know?" He stated, as if somehow the wind had stopped blowing. "Must be a ploy..."

"You know...his ranting routine? You're pathetic." Gaz un-paused her game, concentrating.

"It's just not right," Dib muttered, tapping a spoon to his lip. "Oh yeah what are we having for dinner tonight?"

"Pizza," was the rapid answer.

____

Gaz twirled a finger in her purple hair, reading the walkthrough book she had purchased the other week. Occasionally the headache that was her teacher would ask her a question to confirm that she was listening. She answered every equation and problem correctly. Eventually he would get the point and let her properly remember these cheat codes. God help him if he didn't leave her in peace.

She glanced at the clock momentarily, noting she had another quarter of an hour left before lunch. Dib had mentioned how he would be staying behind in chemistry for lunch, as he had to desperately finish one project or another. Atleast she would be able to play her game in peace.

Satisfied that she had memorized her cheats to heart, the placed the book into her bag and began to rapidly scribble down notes from the blackboard. As much she was into her videogames, she was the daughter of Professor Membrane. Coming home with a report card that had anything less than a 'B' on it was like telling her father she was addicted to heroin and was taking a skool day off to get an abortion. Not to mention her and Dib were now in hi-skool; their father, although never around much, expected greatness of them now.

Soon enough the bell rang, and Gaz was eager to get a table to herself today. Marking her territory, if you will. Yet her overly enthusiastic teacher beckoned to her, and she knew she would be dishing out the revenge by the end of the day.

"Gazlene Membrane, I am _worried_ about you," he practically sang to her, all the while frowning. She resisted to urge to bite his face off. This was not another student...she would get in trouble. Some counter-attacks are best served unknowingly. "I do _wish_ you would participate in class," he began, and she steeled herself.

____

Gaz walked slowly to the cafeteria, knowing all the empty tables would have been snapped up. She was right. The girl sighed, peering over the throng of pathetic life forms, trying to spot any space available. Her eyes kept peering as she stalked towards the vending machines - in her eyes an armful of snacks equated to a meal. From this side of the room, as she punched in the buttons, she could clearly see a space. Only one person sat at the table in the corner. Zim.

Gaz let out an annoyed sound and grabbed her snacks. She was going to grab a sandwich as well, but her appetite suddenly wasn't as ferocious. She stomped her way over to the table, and sat as far away from the green weirdo as possible. As she cracked open a can of soda and set up her game, she glanced over at him. He was frowning at her from the corner of his eye. Gaz glared, and switched on her handheld, which let out a delightful 'ping' in greeting.

"Earth-stink," he mumbled, as if weary, "what are you doing on _Zim's_ table?"

"It's the school's table," Gaz replied, eyes never leaving the screen of Vampire Piggy Hunter. She began from her save point, but this game was proving difficult. It only took thirty seconds before a blob of pink animals dog piled her character, thus bringing up the gameover screen. "Stupid blood pig..." At this rate she would never make it near Iggin's high score. If it wasn't for the poor excuse for a alien next to her...

"Me? I am no pig!" He muttered, offended.

Gaz faced him, an irritated eyebrow raised. "Not you. The pigs." She showed him the title screen of her game, and he looked at it with a little curiosity. She then returned to her crouched position and selected 'start'. "When people say stuff it's not always about _you_."

"I know that!" Zim bared his zipper teeth, then went back to poking his food with more force, muttering Irken profanities to himself.

Gaz side glanced again. Now she was under his moss green skin she was feeling strangely inquisitive.

"Dib thinks you're plotting something..." She laid the bait and wondered if he would spill the beans. It usually didn't take long for him to boast of his plans, from what she could remember. Zims shoulders seemed to slump, and if anything, he looked tired.

"Well you have the pleasure of informing your DNA partner that _no_, I am not plotting anything."

"Why's that, then? I thought you were an _almighty invader_," she insulted, hoping it would rile him up - and it did. He rounded on her, leaning close growling in frustration. Gaz tried not to let her amusement be known.

"Because I can not!" He screamed his childish scream and clenched his fists, sending spit flying into her face. "My leaders have..." He trailed off, returning to his melancholy and his uneaten slush that was his food. "I am now convinced they are not fit to rule. Who would dismiss an Irken invader such as _I _when I was so close to completing my mission!?" The other kids began to turn his way, wondering what the fuss was about.

"So you've been put out of a job, huh?" Her video-game character strode into the next savepoint station, and she felt sweet relief sweep over her. Iggins score was now jeopardized. She looked to the other side of the lunch hall, where she saw him spit out his drink all over his screen, then glance at her with fear. Gaz smirked and raised an eyebrow, feeling elated when he dropped his gaze, looking defeated.

"How do you fancy helping me a little, _foreigner_?" She asked, cold eyes waiting as she steepled her hands together. He scoffed and crossed his arms.

"It is obvious you would come to me for help, but let me ask this of you, _smeet_." He twisted his torso towards me. "Why should I accept your _filthy_ proposal?"

"Because now you have nothing to do. You can help me with some sabotage..." She exhaled happily. His face immediately brightened.

"We are to rain down some doom, them?"

Gaz nodded curtly in reply.

"And who, may I inquire, is the doom to be delivered to? Will it be Dib?" He asked hopefully.

"Maybe another day," she said in an aloof tone. Her eyes then returned to her usual scowl. "It's one of the teachers. I can't hurt him, or my dad will find out. I have to play it sly. Hence you. I need some...male...help."

"I'll do it," he answered immediately. Gaz smiled a little smile then offered him a snack, which he took and ate. Perhaps a different version of a handshake.

"I much prefer this to your Earth mash," Zim voiced, seemingly more content then before.

"Same here," Gaz grumbled, shutting off her Gameslave just in time for the bell to ring. "Here. Walk. You have gym next don't you?"

The alien followed her, glowering at the back of her purple hair which bobbed as she walked. The style hadn't changed at all in the years he had been here. "And how, exactly, did you come by that delicious slice of information, dirt-child?"

"You're in the same class as Dib, duh," she answered.

"Lies!" He began to scream, but cut off by a kick in the shin. "AH! _Pain_..." She pushed him into a secluded corner of the hallway, where masses of students trudged on by to their next class.

"Listen up, Zim, 'cause I'm only gonna' say this once; and you better not tell anyone or you'll be thrown into a world of nightmare of which-"

"-there is no escape. I have heard this before Dib-sister!" He interrupted, which earned him a smack which nearly knocked out his contact lenses.

"_Gaz_. It's _Gaz_. Now pay attention..."


	2. The Horrid End of Teacher Man

Ugh, don't you hate it when you look over your last chapter and see a mistake?

Also there's a reference to a class called I.T in here. That's a UK thing meaning Internet Technology. I'm not sure what other countries call it, computing, maybe? But you've been informed. :)

I hope I have the whole American school grade thing right as well. I googled it!

____

Zim sauntered into the changing rooms, feeling full of vigour for the first time in weeks. His irken blood sought the completion of this new 'mission', and kept pumping him full of endorphins and adrenaline. Through the dreary room made up of_ filthy _concrete and scummy tiles (he abhorred the thought of how many germs were spreading in here), he made his way to a very worn wooden bench. As he peeled off his red striped shirt, careful not reveal his front side, his eyes dashed wildly over the tops of all the other heads of his class-meats, searching out a particular one.

The Letter M, if Gaz's information had been trustworthy, was leaving for "Australia" tomorrow. Some new job his parent-unit had, and this was his last day here. Catching a flight at ten o'clock that night as well. Zim changed quickly, obscuring the fact that he lacked a belly button and nipples. The thin alien milled around until M was rushing to change, after a sharp warning from the human-exertion-officer. He probably thought he could of got away with taking his time, with the whole sentimental last day nonsense. He was still in his underwear.

"Letter Boy!" Zim called, grabbing his attention. "A moment, if you will?" The boy wandered towards him, puzzled. "This Earth's human-whispers have told me you are leaving for Austria come dark?" He quizzed pleasantly, all the while reaching into the pocket of his jogging pants. The camera phone Gaz had given him felt impossibly heavy in his hand.

"Austria? No it's Australia. Though people do get 'em mixed up a lot. Fourth time today actually!" M laughed, not needing any more motivation to start rambling on about his well rehearsed leaving speech. Zim hummed at the right moments and nodded his head, all the while slipping the talk-device out of his pocket. He flipped it open, pressed the appropriate memorised buttons, then waited for the boys sentence to finish. "So yeah, sun, sea and tanned beauties. Neat, huh?"

"Yes, yes, _fabulous_ suns. Now, Earth-boy, tell me what you think of _this_..."

Zim plucked off one of his contacts, strings of goo still attached to his natural eyeball.

Zim took a picture of his expression. The Letter M seemed to snap back into existence after the 'click' sound.

"Your human medical officers have informed me that I have pinkeye again," he said to cover his tracks in case M blurted his discovery. Letter M retreated to his side of the room, nodding all the while as he tried to yank on his clothes as fast as physically possible. As they both exited the changing rooms - under the glare of the coach - and made their way to the gymnasium, Zim saw Dib looking back at them with suspicion stamped across his face.

The phone was safely tucked away in his pocket, not to be seen.

_____

Heading back inside from an annoying game of basketball, Zim felt ridiculously tired. Ever since his growth spurt, all the _filthy _humans suddenly started depending on him to continually put that strange brown sport sphere into the basket of points. The only time they ever revered him, and it was for something he couldn't even accomplish (not that this admiration lasted long after gym). His race was built depending on machinery; they were in no way physically independent without their PAKs, and he could hardly use that with an audience. He also felt disappointed by his growth stage - whilst humans may think this tall, this wasn't much in comparison to The Tallest.  
"Come on, Zim! Stop by after school and we can work on your aim some more. You'd be a great addition to the team!" The coach yelled after him.  
"Stupid scum-monkey," Zim muttered to himself. He almost, almost wished he was still puny in stature.

Here, it did not matter so much about height as it did on his home world. Being tall here did not earn him a promotion. He was not even allowed to order around the smaller people! It was _so_ unnatural.

The school bell had rang, and hordes of students began to file out from their classes. As he battled the crowd to get back to the changing room so he could get back into some normal clothing, he saw a hint of purple out of his peripheral vision. He snaked an arm out and yanked Gaz towards him. She looked up, fist already balled and pulled back, but halted as she saw who it was.

Gaz sighed and paused her game.

"I got what you wanted Earth_-beast_!" He deposited her phone into her tiny hand. She pocketed the device, then nodded her head in thanks. "It was not such a feat, for one such as myself, but I will accept undying admiration and some cleansing chalk."

"Your voice is_ stupid_," she complained, walking away towards her next class - I.T.

____

By next morning, the whole school was in uproar. The students were whispering at warp speed, and rushing back and forth to each others groups to share the news. Outside on the courtyard. Zim swiftly found Gaz out, leaning against the school wall and smirking into her book.  
"I take it everything went according to plan then, _little_ Gaz?" Zim remarked, making sure she knew the significant height difference between them. Call it instinct. Truthfully he did not know wether the commotion was a good result or not, but judging from Gaz's serene (well, serene for her) appearance, he presumed it went well.  
Gaz herself replied with a simple but effective 'yep', making sure to pop the 'p'.  
The extra terrestrial observed the scene again. The students, laughing and gasping and pointing. The teachers, rushing and fretting and grimacing. Even the birds in the trees, peered nosily over the edges of their nests. Suddenly, the chaos parted for three people. Two in a dark uniform, and the other one of the school faculty. Zim raised his nonexistent eyebrow. Law enforcers?

"It's a great taboo on this planet for someone to think of another under the age of consent to be sexually attractive," Gaz began to explain quietly, darkly. "_Especially_ if the other is also in a position of care. So when you got me that picture of M in his undies yesterday, I printed off a copy secretly in my I.T class and placed it in my _annoying_ teachers desk. Then all I had to do was leave a note in the principles office, warning her anonymously of my_ suspicions_. The Letter M is long gone now and the police did the rest for me. He wont teach again."

The three men passed by, and Zim saw Gaz's bloodshot eyes grow wild and her smirk grew wider.

"One less pig-smelly to deal with!" Zim exclaimed triumphantly, dusting off his hands in an exaggerated manner. He was impressed by her strategic thinking yet held his head high. This only went through because of _him._

____

On Friday morning there was an assembly in the main hall and much to Gaz's displeasure, every class was was required to attend. Dib naturally took a seat next to her when everyone began to sit down on the old plastic chairs used for such occasions. The youngest membrane rolled her eyes and took out her Gameslave, muting the volume and getting stuck in whilst the principal began her talk.

"Due to _certain _concerns in the media regarding the recently drowned children," she started in a washed out and uncaring voice, "the school board and parents and decided on ploughing more of our precious money into giving you lot some swimming lessons."

Gaz paused her game, and eyed the woman through her amber irises. Dib was glancing at her every now and again, frowning. "I did wonder why we never learnt this in elementary. Guess this town's too cheap."

"Shut up," she complained, her game turned off. Her hands felt too jittery now. She did not like the idea of her feet being anywhere other than the ground. She'd only let her father pick her up; though she had far outgrown that. She'd be surprised if he could still pick her up and plop her on the top of his head. Gaz had refused lessons from him with much protest when she was younger and her father didn't have as much of a workload as he did now. Dib had picked the skill up without much problems. The idea of floating in a pool left her anxious.

From the corner of her eye she saw Zim looked back at her from one of the rows ahead. He had a brow raised and was looking back at her with undisguised puzzlement. Gaz steeled her jaw and threw back a death-glare in retaliation. Zim silently scoffed, and turned back to his original position.

"We'll be doing this Monday, so remember to prepare your swimming costumes, towels, goggles, caps and any other stuff you'll shamefully think you'll need. Grades nine and ten will be doing their lesson in the morning, and grades eleven and twelve will be taking their lesson in the afternoon, after lunch."

Dib smiled at Gaz. "We get to be in the same lesson. Weird, huh? But after lunch? Wouldn't we all get cramp?"

"Also the lessons will be split in two depending on your _skill level._ Those of you who already know how to swim will be in the big pool, and those of you who can't swim will be in the _baby pool."_

Gaz nearly snapped her game in half.

Dib filled the awkward silence amongst his peers with low whistle. "Guess we wont be together then..."

That smidgen of good news did not blot out the rest of the oncoming horror.

"What is this _swim thing _you speak of, teacher lord?!" Zim cried out, pointing a gloved finger. The principal frowned for a moment, struggling for a sentence.

"The ability to...move through large bodies of water," she floundered. Everyone knew what swimming was, why didn't he? "It's a life skill that apparently saves lives or something. You're all dismissed now, go back to your respective lessons." She sighed, waving her hand flippantly and slinking off somewhere.

"Ha! Would you look at Zim's face! I wonder if he'll end up getting fried in the pool," Dib speculated gleefully.

Gaz had the sudden fantasy of chucking some live wires into a pool full of her annoying classmates.


	3. The Disgusting Pool of Scrutiny

Sorry about the wait. Firstly because I was desperately trying to complete this lengthy game, and secondly because my computer decided to fuck up as soon as I finished said game.

____

Gaz glared at the walls of the plastic cubicle around her. She could hear the other girls nearby, chatting excitedly. She could figure out from their talk that most of them were uneasy about their make-up coming off in the water.

"Here, I have some waterproof mascara, you can use that if you want," she heard one of her classmates offer another from nearby.

Gaz took her sweet time to divest herself of her dark dress, and even longer to pull on the never before worn swimming costume. She fiddled about with the fabric gratuitously; Gaz didn't particularly care, but neither did she didn't want to be one of the first in the visual firing line. She waited until she overheard the first male catcall that echoed down the tiled halls. The small girl then sluggishly exited her cubicle, ignoring the hushed tones around her as she went to place her items in a random locker. She plodded out of room with the rest of the lagging girls. One female (who was conservatively dressed in a one-piece) nervously complimented her attire, to which Gaz only nodded distractedly.

Gaz kept her eyes forward, glassy and just stared at the large chemical pool before her. She felt eyes boring into her and small chuckles breaking out every now and again. Her head whipped around and to glare at the individuals, marking their names and faces.

There was Chelsea, whom she had thrown ice-cream at a few years back. Should of learnt her lesson by now.

Iggins was joining in, as it was probably the only way he could feel superior to her.

There was Moofy as well, who'd moved up a grade a few month ago.

And 45, who was snorting out jokes to his friend, all the while laughing, eyes on her.

One of them suddenly shrieked with laughter. "Matching outfits!"

Gaz's frowned screwed up into puzzlement, and she twisted her torso around, her baggy eyes nearly popping out of her skull as she did. Zim was stood behind her, wearing what could only be an accident, and yet the same as hers. They both were wearing the old fashioned style swimsuits. Shorts and sleeves attached, stripes, zip up the front, the whole shebang. Except where hers was a nautical navy and white, his was a predictable red and black version. Tilting slightly, she could also see that it was covered the weird pod on his back. He looked like a hunchback, despite his stature.

The breath flew from her mouth like it was doing a jail-break, and she almost laughed. Almost. Instead she chose to hum in an annoyed manner. Zim approached her freely, ignoring the eyes of his classmates and leant down to meet Gaz's eye level. She glared openly at his brashness; she did not want him to treat her like some small child, she didn't need him to lean down just so she could hear whatever drivel he'd no doubt burden her with. Her hearing was just fine from 'down here'. And she definitely didn't need him starting rumors she'd have to clean up later.

"My computer told me this was_ in fashion. _Why is it only Dib's sister that wears one like mine?" He asked, worried about blowing his cover. This was already risky.

"Your computer's about seventy years out of date. I just happen to prefer this to..." she gave a pointed look to Zita. If her lilac bikini was any smaller, the rest of the room would be seeing something that would scar them for life. "And it's _Gaz!_" She growled, kicking him in his shin. He let out a yelp which echoed pleasantly around the waterproofed room.

Someone who worked at the pool stepped up and the opposite side of the water and blew a whistle, calling the attention of the students. He began to yap on about health and safety and Gaz didn't have the heart to pay attention. She was still dreading getting in the water.

From the side Zim squinted at Gaz unabashed. She was usually so still and calm but something was off. The special efforts of the girl to appear normal by crossing her arms and frowning deeper only gave light to her odd stance. The girl rocked on her knees impulsively, and every now and then her bottom lip would disappear into her mouth only to return two seconds later looking exceptionally moist.

Zim gawked at her for longer then necessary. His disguised eyes travelling southward, noticing how her hips were just _slightly _larger than the width of her shoulders.

She noticed his gaze and decided to backhand him out of his revelry. Gaz was delighted to hear him yowl in pain. "Maybe I should push you in a little early, it'd be fun to watch you burn," she spat petulantly.

" Eh? Hm? Oh that will not be a problem Gaz-monkey, I have taken _extra_ care to bathe in paste today," he waved off her threat flippantly. "You, however, do not seem as _eager_ to learn this human skill as I..." he trailed off, his tone that of a person who knows a big fat juicy secret.

The instructor was then whistling again. "Those who do not know how to swim 25 meters put your hands up please. You'll be in the baby pool with my colleague over there."

Gaz unwillingly put her hand up, as did Zim and several others. Under the mirth filled ogling of the others, they marched off into another room separated by glass. Said glass splattered with childish window stickers; flowers, suns and different types of fish. Once they were all lined up on the edge they were ordered to stand in the shallow end. As the other students gingerly sat down and slid into the depths, Gaz looked between it and Zim who was waiting expectantly.

"You two," called a weathered middle-aged woman from across the room, "it's _just _water. Now get in. Your friends have done it."

Under the eyes of the others Gaz mechanically bent down and plopped into the pool. Only from Zim's perspective, as he followed her example, did he see her disgusted expression. It looked like she was swimming in a vat of space meat rather than water. The woman began to speak again about the basics of swimming and hydrodynamics, but Gaz kept her eyes steeled on the edge of the basin, where her white hands kept a vice like grip (even if the water only reached her hips).

Readjusting her hold, she twitched slightly and turned her frown onto Zim next to her, who was still staring with vague amusement. "Want another job?" She asked tersely. His answer was a long high pitched hum.

"And why exactly would I do that _little Gaz_?"

"Because you haven't got anything else important to do," she bit out.

"You want me to help you _swim?"_ He quizzed, grinning like a cheshire cat and holding his head high. She pinched his arm under the water so the instructor wouldn't notice. His shout was timed just as she mentioned 'drowning'. The woman in turn nodded gravely at his _reaction. _

"Yes, child, it is frightening..." she paused before continuing her lesson.

"I don't want you to help me swim," Gaz growled. Her amber eyes flickered to the glass and back. "There are some people in the next lesson..."

"Doom again?" He questioned cheerily. Gaz nodded and proceeded to whisper names and descriptions to him.

"When will it be done?" She asked, feeling calmer having revenge planned out. Zim squinted for a moment, pursing his green lips.

"...Now?"

"Can it be done now?" Gaz queried, eyebrows raised. Zim nodded, seemingly untroubled. "Do it then."

Zim sunk further into the water until he was sat down, eyes above the water. The instructor noticed nothing as she was showing the students how to move their legs and arms. To do this she had turned to the side, stayed on one leg and imitated the doggy paddle with the rest of her limbs. The alien meanwhile had opened up his PAK and released a small metal object into the water.

"A robot?" Gaz murmured to herself. The small device leapt deftly out of the water and scuttled into the next room without further notice.

In the next few seconds an uproar of embarrassed shrieks and laughing could be hear. Gaz hurriedly crawled out the pool and up to the window, the rest of the class following as the employee tried desperately to get things back into order via barking commands. Through the clear material Gaz could see her victims, bereft of clothing and legging it back into the changing rooms, hands flying to cover their modesty.

"Niiice," Gaz murmured so only Zim could here.

His smug grin didn't leave him the rest of the lesson, and when it was time for all of them to attempt the doggy paddle across the shallow pool, Zim used his unseen PAK arms to emerge from the arms of his sleeves and move him across the pool, effortlessly. He also moved one of these tentacles under Gaz's stomach, pinching a section of her clothing and dragging her with him. They were the first ones to reach the edge.

Whilst the instructor taught them all the swimming forms, Zim continued to keep Gaz afloat with some mechanical help. The dark haired girl in question didn't acknowledge him in the slightest. They both just kept moving their arms and legs in a way that would make the swimming look plausible.

When their two hours was up, they both wordlessly retreated back to their respective changing rooms without saying a word.


End file.
